My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
