When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
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I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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