At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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