did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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