Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
