if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
