ugly people sure do ruin things
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
