i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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