wanna go halves on a baby?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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