How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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