the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
