she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
