I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
