my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
