Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
