We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
