Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
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we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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