his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
