he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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