matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
