I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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