My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
