How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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