Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Randomize
