i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
