I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
