She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
