a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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