i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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