best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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