I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
