i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
