I'm gonna have a badass scar
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
