I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
