OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
