then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
