I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
