If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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