Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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