whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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