I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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