My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
