i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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