Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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