I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
