The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you never un-have a 4some
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
