Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My feet surprised me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize