Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
