Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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