God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
