I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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