so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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