ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
