I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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