In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
