I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
