I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
