I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
