The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
