She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
