i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
