I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
