We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
