never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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