I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
