Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
