mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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