I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
