is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
