We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
