yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
