Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
