Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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