I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
