My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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