Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
