haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
