The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
