I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
