just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
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You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
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Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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